This Valentine’s Day, Check In With All Your Loved Ones

By: Mark O’Brien, Addiction and Recovery Expert


Perhaps this year more than ever, as we approach Valentine’s Day, we’re thinking about how our loved ones are doing amid all that’s going on in the world. It’s important to keep in mind the struggles of those facing addiction or managing their own recovery as well as friends and family who have someone in their life facing similar challenges. Maybe you’ve noticed they have been drinking more often or using drugs, or they’ve been in recovery but are suddenly falling into unhealthy habits.


Whatever the case may be, while there are no magic solutions when it comes to substance misuse, there are steps you can take to help a loved one struggling with substance use.


1. Look for signs and symptoms


While every person is different, and different drugs will have different physical effects on a person, there are some common signs to look out for:


● Increasingly frequent drug or alcohol use or increasing tolerance for larger amounts of alcohol or drugs;

● Problems at school or work, like absences or a drop in performance;

● Physical health issues like weight gain or loss, lack of energy, sleeping too much or too little;

● Neglected appearance;

● Changes in behavior and relationships with family and friends;

● Secretiveness about where he or she goes;

● Financial problems or unexplained requests for money; and,

● Other unusual or unexplained changes.


2. Don’t wait too long to offer help


Substance use disorder is a chronic and progressive disease of the brain and it is not something we should be ashamed to talk about. There are different levels of severity, but we do know that treatment outcomes are better if someone gets help earlier in the progression of their addiction. If you’re worried about your partner now, now is the time to act.


3. Be prepared to offer support and listen.


It can be hard to know how to start a conversation about addiction, but it is most important to remember you will get the best results by approaching this conversation in a spirit of caring concern rather than angry confrontation. It’s important to prepare ahead of time for the conversation, and be ready with specific examples of behaviors or signs that are causing your concern. You should also prepare to offer help if your partner is ready for it. Learn about addiction treatment options, and find resources available in your community, including Celebrate Recovery, Community and Family Resources, and UCS Healthcare.

If your loved one is open to it, the first step in getting treatment will be to get an assessment. You might consider contacting your health insurance provider to find providers covered by your plan. You can call our Iowa hotline at 855-581-8111 to find providers or visit the U.S. Substance Use and Mental Health Services Administration website here.


4. Set boundaries and be consistent.


Even though you’re worried about your loved one, and even if you handle the conversation perfectly, they may not be ready to change or even admit they need to change. One of the first steps in recovery from substance use disorder is for the person with an addiction to begin contemplating getting better. By starting the conversation, you may have helped your loved one begin considering changing their relationship with substances, so don’t be discouraged.


Remember, it’s not only okay to set boundaries around their substance use, doing so may help motivate them to change. You cannot control their decisions, and you are not responsible for fixing their addiction, but you have control over how you respond and interact with your loved one. While continuing to use positive communication with your loved one and affirming your concern and willingness to help, you can set boundaries that are fair to you and discourage their substance use.


Having a loved one with a substance use disorder can be stressful and feel isolating and chaotic, but you are not alone. Nearly twenty million Americans struggle with substance use disorder. It doesn’t happen overnight, but these steps are ones you can take to help your loved one and yourself.




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RALI Iowa is an alliance of local, state and national organizations
elevating solutions to the opioid epidemic in the state.

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